Mating Like Rabbits

The Duggar family recently welcomed their 18th bundle of joy into the world. What a joyous occasion and celebration of life! When asked on The Today Show what she considered to be “too many children,” mother Michelle responded confidently, “saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers.” Bitch please.

Let’s be honest, 18 kids is not only selfish, it’s a hoarding of resources. Don’t get me wrong, children are a blessing. But as is the case for most things in life—moderation reigns supreme. According to Wikipedia, the most reliable source on the internet, the Duggars have opted to shun birth control and “let God determine” the number of children they have.

Who does having 18 children benefit?

Still thinking…

Ok, I can’t think of anyone.

Who does having 18 children NOT benefit? Let's see:

Michelle Duggar (mother)
Physically, how is it healthy for one woman to birth 18 children? She must be the grossest naked woman alive. How could Jim Bob (yes, that is his name…fresh off the Varsity Blues set) even want to look at her naked, let alone fornicate? Do you realize she’s been pregnant for 13 ½ years? At the very least, she has to be destined for chronic back problems, but that seems to be the least of her concerns.

Jim Bob Duggar (father)
How would you like dealing with the mood swings, demands, nagging, and vomiting of your wife for over 13 years? Enough said. And as the bread winner of the family, it is clearly impossible for him to support all his children.

The Kids
No one child will receive any kind of special attention, which is unfortunate because children need nourishing. They need encouragement. They need to be developed. But mom’s too busy with the newborn(s) to do anything else and dad can only be in so many places at one time. Plus, these poor kids are home-schooled, so it’s not as if they can receive extra help from a licensed educator at a public or private school. As if that’s not bad enough, each of the kids’ names starts with the letter “J”, my favorite being “Jinger.” That’s right, Jinger with a J. Welcome to the playground, Jinger, aaaand here’s a fist to the cranium. And not to be outdone—twin boys named Jeremiah and Jedidiah. I don’t even have a joke here. But these are the kids that grow up and shoot people—they have little interaction with society, they have a sheltered up-bringing (no TV, internet, or kissing before marriage), and little personal attention as I mentioned before. So what happens the first time they step out into the real world and face adversity? They have no idea how to handle it and go off the deep end to become the next unabombers. Not one of those kids will ever be special; they’ll always be 1 “J” out of 18.

The Earth
Don’t other countries already hate the United States because we use the most resources? By far? Am I wrong in saying that 18 kids, by nature, deprive other kids of resources? It seems like simple math. I have 100 units of X to split among 10 families of 2 kids each; each kid gets 5 units. Replace one of those families with the good ole’ Duggars, and each kid in the community gets less than 3 units. It is selfish and self-absorbed for the Duggars to continue to have children. They are simply demanding more resources. Having a child is one of the most selfless acts imaginable, but having 18 is irresponsible. Can they stop? Of course they can! Are all 18 intentional? Of course they are! Ask them. They don’t appear to be hanging it up either, so don’t be surprised if there’s more on the way. This is not the same as John and Kate Gosselin (from John & Kate Plus 8), who had twins and intended on having one more but got sextuplets instead. These were 16 calculated pregnancies (two sets of twins). Absolutely selfish. The world doesn’t need any more you’s.

So remember, if you decide to watch this show, just realize you are supporting selfish and irresponsible parents that ultimately make us worse off as a society.