BP3

Let's be honest, hip hop would look entirely different today if not for the greatest rapper alive, Jay-Z. Looking to build on his 10 #1 albums, Jay is set to release the highly anticipated The Blueprint 3 next week. Reviewing a Jay-Z album is one of the most difficult tasks for a hip hop head because he is the greatest, so even a mediocre album is better than the best that most others could record. BP3 is not his best, but it's certainly above average for the God MC. (As per the usual with hip hop blog entries, this is a long one.)

Let me briefly run down Jay's discography. He released Reasonable Doubt in 1996--a supurb lyrical collection and his first album after ditching the drug trade on the streets of Brooklyn. He followed in successive years with In My Lifetime, Volume 1, Vol. 2: Hard Knock Life, and Vol. 3: Life and Times of S. Carter. Each featured a phenomenal track here and there, but none were as wholly remarkable as his first. Jay dropped The Dynasty: Roc La Familia in the fall of 2000 as a way to put on his team of Memphis Bleek, Beanie Sigel, Chris and Neef, and Freeway. Again--a banger here and there, but some don't even consider this a Jay-Z album because he rarely spit more than one verse on any song. The Blueprint, released on September 11, 2001, fit its title perfectly since it can be considered a blueprint of a classic album. This was and is his best recording to date. The Blueprint 2: The Gift and The Curse, a double album, followed and featured too many garbage tracks--this easily should have been a single disc. Jay released his "final" album before "retiring," The Black Album, to critical acclaim. After a brief "retirement," he returned in 2006 with Kingdom Come (decent) and an album in 2007 inspired by the movie of the same name, American Gangster (phenomenal). If you're counting at home, that's 10 albums in a span of 12 years.

When you've recorded as many albums as Jay, it's hard to believe that he'd have anything left to say. He doesn't flood the airwaves with mixtapes, though, a la Lil Wayne, so the fans thirst for every album release date. Jay's claims to fame as a rapper are that he relentlessly reinvents himself, he name-drops labels like whoa, and that his flow is not the same on any two tracks. When everyone else goes left, he's already finished going right and he's looking to change directions again. He's consistently inconsistent in that regard, and he continues the trend on BP3.

Let me get a couple tracks out of the way so I don't have to deal with them anymore. I could live without "Real As It Gets," featuring Young Jeezy, and "A Star Is Born," featuring J-Cole. In my best Randy Jackson, both are really just "ok for me, dawg" ..."for me, for you." Jeezy, as he tends to do sometimes, doesn't say a damn thing on the track, and Hov doesn't do much to pick him up. The latter features an unlistenable hook, an okay beat, and a forgettable feature from newcomer J-Cole. I understand Jay's purpose behind this track--propping all the young'ns who have made it, and he's trying to give another one a chance. I even liked his shout out to Eminem and subliminal admission that Em outdid him on "Renegade" in 2001. We could all likely go without these two tracks, though.

The biggest disappointment of the entire album is "Young Forever," a track that is rumored to be producer Kanye West's favorite. Heralded as the next "Flashing Lights," the track is more high school gymnasium than SOB's. Because of the sample, I can't shake the Napoleon Dynamite visuals as Mr. Hudson sings the hook. I was expecting big things from this beat, but now I'm glad it's the final track on the album so I can turn it off without missing anything.

We can group "Thank You," "Empire State of Mind," and "So Ambitious" together as songs with above average beats and hooks, but again Jay doesn't say much out of the ordinary. His wordplay is unrivaled ("You can't base what I'm gonna be on what everybody isn't"), but the message is familiar--I have more money than you, I made it out of Brooklyn, etc. I must mention, too, that Alicia Keys and Pharrell supply outstanding hooks to "Empire" and "Ambitious," respectively. Similarly, "Run This Town" is a great radio track that doesn't contribute much lyrically. The beat is HARD, Rihanna kills the hook, and the song features Jay-Z and Kanye. What else could a radio single need? They don't even have to say anything and it's a hit. I only wish Jay's lyrics were as on point as his flow in this song.

"What We Talkin' About" is a good intro track where Jay sets the tone by demanding no more talking about Dame Dash, Jaz-O, and Jimmy Iovine--in other words, I am too big to even think about prior petty Squabbles. He also shuns the Santa Claus role, fed up of newcomers asking him to give them whatever they want. "Venus and Mars" is an interesting track, and I think the jury is still out on this one. The beat is remiscient of 2003's "Justify My Thug," but this is the first Jay-Z track I can remember of its kind. He raps in a clever way about a girl so different than he ("I'm a Mac, she's a PC so she lives in my lap"), yet similar enough that they ride together like Bonnie and Clyde. He finds out she's not who she claims to be, as she goes off the deep end before leaving him. It's not your fun relationship-song from Jay like Bonnie & Clyde '03, and not your nostalgic one like "Song Cry," but somewhere in between. The only word I can think of is "interesting."

Of the six remaining tracks, five can compete with some of Jay's best songs to date (the one of the six, "Off That," is practically the same message as "On To The Next One," but not as good of a beat or hook). "D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)" is a track that Jay had to make--it suits him perfectly. The rap game is too bogged down by the autotuner; emcees are "T-Pain'in too much." In a perfectly suited line, he states that even though the country is in a recession, "the music you make gon' make it the Great Depression!" Jay even takes a shot at buddy Kanye by calling out rappers whose "pants are too tight," "colors too bright," and "voice[s] too light." The other song on the album that embodies everything Jay is about is the Swizz Beats-produced "On To The Next One." He effs the throwback jersey, effs the autotune, effs Cristal in favor of Ace of Spades, and says we should all be "afraid of what [he's gonna] do next." As a trendsetter, this song represents Jay to a tee. "D.O.A." and "Next One" are the two best beats on the album as well, cementing their status as the album's premiere tracks. Jay's flow on "Hate" is just bananas as he flashes back to his mid-90's fast flow. My only complaint is that the song is too short. Timbaland supplies a fiery beat for "Reminder," the real "big-boy" track on the album. It's a hard beat with a hard message to the haters--"what have you done to have an opinion of what I'm doing?" He reminds us that record sales don't lie and that he "writes 16's in between running 16 businesses, all the while showing these young punks what the business is." "Already Home" is the last track to mention and another blow to his haters. To the haters who say he looks like a camel, he responds that he's "mastered the draught." To his former Def Jam artists who say he was in their way, Jay asks how can he be in the way if he's in a different league? "HOV, I got my own lane already!" It's also worth mentioning that Kid Cudi is magnificient on this hook.

So there you have it--The Blueprint 3 in it's entirity. It's probably too soon to rank it among Jay's other 10 albums, but on a whim I'd put it behind The Blueprint, Reasonable Doubt, American Gangster, and maybe The Black Album. Jay-Z continues to be the premiere recording artist in rap, unmatched by anyone in the industry. This album will surely be his eleventh #1, and deservedly so.

IT'S YA BOY!

Healthscare

Let's be honest, President Barack Obama's plan for healthcare reform is not only a joke, but a bad one at that. The only thing worse than his plan, actually, is his public campaign in recent weeks that details the impending debacle should it be passed. Barry has shown how out of touch with the public he really is and his arrogance is truly wearing on voters. The plan is laughable, but this is what we've come to expect from a guy who couldn't run a lemonade stand.

Unless you've been under a rock for the last few weeks, you've likely seen excerpts from town hall meetings all over the country where the public discusses healthcare reform with its local representatives. You've probably also seen what a disaster the town hall meetings have turned into for Dems, as people with real concerns nearly riot against the reform. The meetings got so bad for Dems that they even resorted to planting fake doctors and exploiting children (whose mothers are Obama delegates and fundraising coordinators) to ask silly questions. Like you didn't think someone was going to do their homework and find that out??!! Laughable. And have you noticed what else the Dems do when they get cornered? They go on the defensive and all of a sudden, you become the crazy one. I have to listen to Rachel Madow tell me the American people are overreacting, the riots are staged, and we're all idiots. (Sidebar: Rachel Madow is the handsomest man on television...the Mike Mussina of TV talking heads, I'd say. Wait, I just looked Rachel up on Wikipedia and it said that she is a woman. Well I'm going to write that one off as Wikipedia's bad; someone must have entered some faulty data. That's certainly not true.) Obama can't even get his story straight, either. One day his plan includes a public option, the next it doesn't, depending on what mood he's in that day.

We realize that the public option exists in Canada and it sucks, right? In a public healthcare system, you no longer have the ability to choose your primary care physician--you just get who you're given. I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to play roulette with my health. When you move into a new area and want to visit a doctor, what do you you? You ask people at work for the names of their PCP's and schedule an appointment based on what you think is the best referral. No longer viable in the public option--you could get Dr. Octopus for all I know. Moreover, in the public system, the best doctors in the country are hired out by the wealthy to serve as their personal physicians, further dwindling the pool of quality doctors available. To add on even more, doctors' salaries will decrease because they will be limited by the amount of funding received from Medicare and Medicaid. And I think we're all aware of the elephant in the room--who's going to pay for the trillion dollar Medicare and Medicaid programs? Our grandkids' kids, that's who. As doctors' salaries decrease, fewer med students will pursue a career as a PCP and will instead focus on specialty practices. So in one swift blow, we've significantly decreased the number of doctors in the country, increased the number of patients, and cut doctors' salaries. Alright, sweet. Got it.

What else do we want the government to control? It already owns several banks and automobile manufacturers, now we want to give up healthcare and insurance? Why stop there? Let's give up the hospitality industry, the NHL, and the music recording business. You realize that the government owns your house if your loan is serviced by one of the government-funded banks, right? It also now has a stake in most corporations via the banks, as well. I won't take credit for this conspiracy theory, but isn't it completely feasible that having an ownership stake in corporations via the banks was a primary motive of the government? It makes sense given the president's history--hell, his present! It's as if we're inching closer to socialism a little bit every day at the content of the people in power. Let's stand up to Obamarx...power to the people!

Problems at the Top

Let's be honest, the National Football League and Major League Baseball are the only relevant professional sports in the US anymore, and both are faced with enormous problems. The National Basketball Association has lost ground because the game has become individualized and fans can't relate to the players, while the National Hockey League suffers from a lack of American skaters. Soccer is fantastic but can't catch on because of the goal-scarce nature of the sport. The NFL has continued to succeed in spite of itself and its reckless players. MLB has lost its popularity in spurts since 1994 because of strikes and steroids, but remains relevant because of its moniker of "American's Pastime." Both leagues could be on the verge of implosion, though, if the respective commissioners don't make some changes. Quickly.

The NFL is the biggest and most powerful brand in all of American sports and is simply a financial gold mine. Its main assets--the players--obviously don't have the same connection to the brand or seem to give a damn about protecting its integrity. How else would you explain the number of felony convictions in the last 10 years? In the calendar year before commissioner Roger Goodell assumed his post in 2006, nine players from a single team were arrested for various crimes. Since then, the league has been given black eyes by the arrests and convitions of numerous players--and keep in mind, these aren't petty crimes being committed by backup tight ends and linemen. NFL stars Adam "Pacman" Jones, Tank Johnson, Chris Henry, Plaxico Burress, Brandon Marshall, Michael Vick, and Donte Stallworth are guilty of the following: fighting/shooting at strip clubs, possession of firearms, multiple failed drug tests and substance abuse policy violations, assault and battery of women, driving under the influence, manslaughter, and oh yeah--animal cruelty, namely the hanging and electrocuting of dogs. So how does the NFL fix the problem? Lifetime ban for any felony conviction and a minimum one year ban for any misdemeanor conviction. America is the country of second chances, but the NFL is an organization just like Coca Cola, Apple, and Nike with a brand to protect. If the NFL plans on keeping a clean brand image, it needs to rid itself of the bad apples. The league sends a terrible message to kids that convicted criminals can still make millions. Playing in the NFL isn't exactly a desk job, either--it's a highly lucrative lifestyle with incredible exposure. Next year, Michael Vick will make over a million dollars and has the chance to make five more after next season. So if I understand correctly, we could see Vick poolside at the Playboy Mansion pouring Cristal over bitches within a year? Try to tell me that's far out of the realm of possibility, too. Vick claims to be sorry for what he's done, but why wouldn't he be if he was set to make a milli like Lil Wayne? If somebody told me I was going to be taken out of prision and put in the spotlight to make a mil, I'd apologize for things I didn't even do! Snorting lines, poppin Pooky on the corner, mail fraud, tax evasion, pirating music online...I'd even apologize to Jesus on behalf of Pontius Pilate! Come on, bruh. The NFL needs to get its act together and start making examples of people so this ridiculous behavior will come to a halt.

Major League Baseball has a problem that it created on its own by turning a blind eye for years and focusing on ratings. Steroids were present in the league for years before commissioner Bud Selig put random testing in place in 2005 and most of the damage had already been done. It's embarrassing that the one league more stat-driven than any other now has a record book filled with imaginary asterisks because of steroids. The most prestigious records in all of sports--the single season (73) and career (762) homerun records--aren't even recognized by most because of record holder Barry Bonds' widely-held reputation as a cheat. Alex Rodriguez, the man in line to break the career homerun record, admitted this year he'd used steroids earlier in his career. It's almost like a bad season of 24 where the corruption starts at the top and no one is as he seems. The fix (which I believe should be done at corporations more often these days)--the commish needs to fire himself. Clean house at the top. Bud Selig cannot legitimately argue and grandstand against steroid use in the league while he reigns supreme because he used the publicity to take the league to the top in the late 90's. Next, release all the names on "The List" so fans know all the offenders, all at once. New management should then use a third-party adminstrator to randomly test players throughout the year and all test results made public. Offenders should be suspended for a minimum of one year so as to not impact the outcome of the remainder of that season. The Players Union shouldn't have much leverage here, either, since the players are the ones that turned the league into a walking punch line. As for records, we should keep all in place--no asterisks. For a time, steroids were not illegal, and we must assume everyone was using. Instead, view the records in a different context and use that context when considering a player's legacy, greatness, or Hall of Fame worthiness. Perhaps 500 homeruns isn't a justifiable benchmark for players of the steroid era? This issue has nearly killed the league, but new mandates can revive it.

It's a shame that the two most popular sports in America have such problems because average sports fans are practically held over a barrel. We can look beyond each league's problems and focus on the games rather than the shenanigans, or we can relegate ourselves to watching the NHL on Versus. Too many people will choose the former and the leagues will continue to operate business as usual. But without some serious regulation, the atrocities of felony and steroids will eventually do enough harm to make fans pass on their favorite pastimes.

Piano Man

Let's be honest, Billy Joel's Piano Man is the greatest song ever recorded. Every so often, a publication or radio station will compile a list of the X number of greatest songs ever, and they all have some common names atop the list--Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Nirvana. The selectors never really specify the criteria, though, probably because opinions on music are entirely subjective anyway. But I've come up with a list of what I believe are appropriate criteria, and Piano Man is right on key.

In order to be considered the greatest song ever, the song has to be likable, above all. Since I began testing my hypothesis over nine years ago, I've asked countless people of all ages and backgrounds if they like the song Piano Man. I didn't ask them if they loved it, if they think it's great, or if it's their favorite song ever. I asked if they liked it. You know how many "No" responses I received over the years? Zero. Not one person could truthfully say they disliked the song. Isn't it logical to conclude that a song without a detractor would be a rather highly qualified candidate for the greatest ever? Now I realize I'm opening myself up to be proven wrong here because someone will say they don't like the song just to disprove the theory. But to date, I have not heard of a person who does not "like" the song, at the very least. Sidebar: any meatball or diva that only listens to one type of music and refuses to acknowledge any other kind is discredited and disqualified from this conversation. I can already say that Stairway to Heaven and Smells Like Teen Spirit don't have the same likability factor, so they fail the first criterion. To be specific, I would say the greatest song ever would have to be liked by between 90 and 95 out of 100 qualified respondents. And I'm confident Piano Man achieves that--it has in my experience so far.

Secondly, the song has to be relatable. Everyone can relate to the characters in because of their own situations or those of close friends. The man who reminisces over memories from his younger days. The bartender who could be a moviestar if he didn't have to waste his life pouring shots. The career-focused man who never had time for a wife. "Davey" from the Navy who devoted his life to the service. The people who go to the bar to forget about life for a while. It doesn't hurt that the song features one of the greatest lines ever written as well--"Well the waitress is practicing politics/While the businessman slowly gets stoned/And they're sharing a drink they call loneliness/But it's better than drinking alone". Who can't relate to at least one of these? How many people are stuck in dead-end jobs and have aspirations of doing something they love? How often do we see people so obsessed with work that they shun a family life? And how often do we look forward to happy hour on Friday to forget about life for a while? Like I said, the characters and situations are relatable to every man and woman--something that can't be said about most other greatest-song-considerations.

Thirdly, the song has to be timeless. These situations are timeless because they focus on human nature--they could occur in any decade in any country in the world. The sound is timeless as well. The simple piano and harmonica combination will never really go out of style, and Billy's voice doesn't fall into a certain era of music either. The Stones, Beatles, Dylan and Zeppelin are easily identifiable and traceable to the classic rock sound of the 60's and 70's while Nirvana is obviously the early 90's grunge sound. Piano Man could probaby even blend in with pop music today. Don't think so? Listen to the songs Jason Mraz and The Fray release to the radio as singles...not too far off.

Lastly, the song has to be composed by a credible musician. No need for me to run down Billy Joel's track record for you to know he's an unbelievable singer/songwriter. I doubt it happens, but this criterion simply eliminates any one-hit wonders from appearing on the list. The credibility has to be there from the author, and in this case it is.

I always say the 3 things people should never argue over are religion, politics, and music because the debating parties will rarely concede their stances. However, the criteria I've laid out for this argument are fairly clear cut and, in my opinion, quite reasonable and objective. Piano Man is the only song I know of that fits into each, making it by default the greatest song ever recorded. Disagree? I'd love to hear it. Let's go in.

Writer's Block

Let's be honest, writer's block sucks. In this case, it's not writer's block so much as I just don't feel like writing about some of the topics I already picked out. Instead, I decided I'd just write whatever came to mind. This could turn out terrible or be completely genius. 99% chance that it ends up more like the former than the latter.

I have a Yankees fitted cap that I got around the year 2000. It's my favorite hat. Without even realizing it, I now wear it slightly cocked to the right, a la CC Sabathia. I also wear it low over my eyes like Jay-Z. I don't wear it at all like Mike Mussina or Andy Pettitte. Weird. I always tell people my dad just tried to raise a nice Irish Catholic boy. At one point I thought he wanted me to listen to some dumb stuff like Peter Frampton. "Everyone in the world has Frampton Comes Alive. If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with packets of Tide." Great quote from Wayne's World 2. My favorite quote from Wayne's World 1 and 2 is when Garth is about to hit the town with the production crew and they ask Wayne if he'd like to tag along when Wayne responds, "No, it's ok. I'll just stay home and lick the cat's butt." People tell me I know too much about both of the Wayne's World movies. Some movies just stick with you, though. Some lines from movies stick out for me--I just watched Knocked Up again recently and one of my favorite lines is when Pete tells Ben, "You're like Babe Ruth's gay brother, Gaybe Ruth." That cracked my shit up. Same with several different lines from another Judd Apatow movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall..."Snuffeluffagus, cracks my shit up!" But The Hangover was the best movie of the year by a mile, much to the chagrin of Team Apatow fans. If you haven't seen it and think you have one funny bone in your body, you're doing yourself a disservice. Speaking of bones (Get your mind out of the gutter), did anyone see the X Games last Friday night? These guys are certified idiots. I watched one "event" where guys launched themselves off a ramp and tried to grind on a rail like desperate dudes at a bar full of fat chicks at closing time. And they're scored on this. And they never even land the trick! This is like watching the Homerun Derby where everyone misses on every pitch! Seriously? Why are they wasting our time with this nonsense? Don't they have some World Poker Tour to televise? Uh oh, Johnny thought he had the "nuts" but Billy busted him on the Flop with a flush draw and a pair of pocket tens. Who gives a flying rat's ass? You know what? We've all lost hands on account of bad luck, so we don't need to hear your dumb stories about getting beat by a King on the River. Just like we don't need to hear about how you have the Patriots Defense and they can't let up 50 or more yards or else you lose your fantasy football matchup this week. The Patriots suck. Boston sports suck. Manny and Ortiz are CHEATS! Manny is just being Manny and Ortiz is being a wuss about it. One word for that--"standard." There's a department store in Barbados called "Standard." A pair of my friends negotiated a back room deal to buy a couple "Standard" shirts from an employee. I still have my "Standard" shirt, though I nearly threw it away until I was confronted by an angry mob for even thinking of it. The shirt is a size XXL and I'm damn near swimming in the thing. Do you think the neighboring apartment complex would mind if I took a swim in its pool? I hope there aren't too many screaming kids there. I would punt a screaming kid if I had to. Not mine, of course. Mine will be the best kids ever created and also sick dancers. We are going to have crazy dance parties. You can come if you would like, but be prepared for me and my future children to drop the jump-rope on your ass. Not familiar with the jump-rope? This is me on your average Friday night. Then we break out the double-dutch...it's a sight for sure.

Wow, that was interesting. A bit cathartic as well. Hopefully that didn't scare you away from ever reading again...I promise I'll be back next week with something legit. Well--legit to me. You know.