Writer's Block

Let's be honest, writer's block sucks. In this case, it's not writer's block so much as I just don't feel like writing about some of the topics I already picked out. Instead, I decided I'd just write whatever came to mind. This could turn out terrible or be completely genius. 99% chance that it ends up more like the former than the latter.

I have a Yankees fitted cap that I got around the year 2000. It's my favorite hat. Without even realizing it, I now wear it slightly cocked to the right, a la CC Sabathia. I also wear it low over my eyes like Jay-Z. I don't wear it at all like Mike Mussina or Andy Pettitte. Weird. I always tell people my dad just tried to raise a nice Irish Catholic boy. At one point I thought he wanted me to listen to some dumb stuff like Peter Frampton. "Everyone in the world has Frampton Comes Alive. If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with packets of Tide." Great quote from Wayne's World 2. My favorite quote from Wayne's World 1 and 2 is when Garth is about to hit the town with the production crew and they ask Wayne if he'd like to tag along when Wayne responds, "No, it's ok. I'll just stay home and lick the cat's butt." People tell me I know too much about both of the Wayne's World movies. Some movies just stick with you, though. Some lines from movies stick out for me--I just watched Knocked Up again recently and one of my favorite lines is when Pete tells Ben, "You're like Babe Ruth's gay brother, Gaybe Ruth." That cracked my shit up. Same with several different lines from another Judd Apatow movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall..."Snuffeluffagus, cracks my shit up!" But The Hangover was the best movie of the year by a mile, much to the chagrin of Team Apatow fans. If you haven't seen it and think you have one funny bone in your body, you're doing yourself a disservice. Speaking of bones (Get your mind out of the gutter), did anyone see the X Games last Friday night? These guys are certified idiots. I watched one "event" where guys launched themselves off a ramp and tried to grind on a rail like desperate dudes at a bar full of fat chicks at closing time. And they're scored on this. And they never even land the trick! This is like watching the Homerun Derby where everyone misses on every pitch! Seriously? Why are they wasting our time with this nonsense? Don't they have some World Poker Tour to televise? Uh oh, Johnny thought he had the "nuts" but Billy busted him on the Flop with a flush draw and a pair of pocket tens. Who gives a flying rat's ass? You know what? We've all lost hands on account of bad luck, so we don't need to hear your dumb stories about getting beat by a King on the River. Just like we don't need to hear about how you have the Patriots Defense and they can't let up 50 or more yards or else you lose your fantasy football matchup this week. The Patriots suck. Boston sports suck. Manny and Ortiz are CHEATS! Manny is just being Manny and Ortiz is being a wuss about it. One word for that--"standard." There's a department store in Barbados called "Standard." A pair of my friends negotiated a back room deal to buy a couple "Standard" shirts from an employee. I still have my "Standard" shirt, though I nearly threw it away until I was confronted by an angry mob for even thinking of it. The shirt is a size XXL and I'm damn near swimming in the thing. Do you think the neighboring apartment complex would mind if I took a swim in its pool? I hope there aren't too many screaming kids there. I would punt a screaming kid if I had to. Not mine, of course. Mine will be the best kids ever created and also sick dancers. We are going to have crazy dance parties. You can come if you would like, but be prepared for me and my future children to drop the jump-rope on your ass. Not familiar with the jump-rope? This is me on your average Friday night. Then we break out the double-dutch...it's a sight for sure.

Wow, that was interesting. A bit cathartic as well. Hopefully that didn't scare you away from ever reading again...I promise I'll be back next week with something legit. Well--legit to me. You know.