Letters To Santa

Let's be honest, we'd all love to take a peek at each other's Christmas lists to find out what we all really want. Fortunately for me, I was able to hijack a mail truck and discover a bunch of letters to Santa. Some I found amusing, others surprising, and yet some very expected. Here are a few of my favorites.

Dear Santa,
Now that I'm single, can you hook me up with Alex Rodriguez's phone number?

Thanks,
Tiger Woods


Dear Santa,
Now that I'm single, can you hook me up with Alex Rodriguez's phone number?

Thanks,
Elin Nordegren


Hi Santa!!
Ugh...can you please ruin that skinny bitch Taylor Swift's career? Have one of your elves make up a sex tape with her and Pikachu or something. Btw, have you seen my new tattoo? Yeah you have! And oh yeah, keep that whole me-and-Billy Ray thing quiet...I was hoping Mackenzie Phillips got a better reaction so I could admit it too.

Love Ya!
Miley



Santa,
Can you please tell the same 5 people to stop updating their Facebook status? They take up my entire News Feed every day.

Sincerely,
The Other 99.99% of Facebook Users


Dear Santa,
You and me are pretty close. We're like ebony and ivory. Do me a favor here. My mom has been tearing up the house every Saturday in the fall for the last 10 years, and she doesn't even want to be called "their mother" anymore. I mean, I'd be pretty pissed if the Pittsburgh Pirates called themselves the Pittsburgh Jesuses. So can you please throw us a bone and give Notre Dame football a winning season next year? For crying out loud, this is ridiculous.

Dad bless,
JC


Yo Santa,
I know you're in the Christmas spirit and all, and I'm not one to break up a happy home, but man you should know that your woman just hit me up. Mrs. Claus just texted me, said she wanted to "sex me. LOL :) LOL :)". Then she sent a Twit-pic, saying "Come and get this, LOL :) LOL :)"

Be easy,
Trey Songz


Hey Santa,
Getcha fat ass over here and give me a hot dog, a 20 oz t-bone steak, 3 Big n' Tasties, fries from Johnny Rockets, and a Chick Fil-A milkshake, all on top of a naked woman lathered in Ranch dressing.

Yeah,
Rosie O'Donnell


Dear Santa,
If you've received this, there is hope yet. I am chained to a pipe in the crawl space in my DC apartment and I need you to bust me out. My wife won't be expecting you because she has no soul. Let's just say I'm stuck here. Send help. Quickly.

God speed,
Paul Pelosi


Dear Santa,

I know this isn't really your style, but can you be my agent? See my contract is about to expire and I really need to negotiate an extension. Do you think the Prince of Darkness will do 3 more years if I give him my child's eternity?

Many thanks,
Brett Favre


Dear Santa,
No worries, I'm good.

Thanks,
Giada's husband


Santa,
Please tell Denis to pay more attention to me in 2010.

Thanks,
Playstation 3


Hey Santa,
This year for Christmas I would like water, Gatorade, apple juice, vitamin water, cranberry juice, and milk.

'Preciate it,
John Daly's Liver


Who knew that John Daly's liver could address an envelope? Anyways, Merry Christmas everyone!