Let’s be honest, American sports fans need to incorporate singing into live sporting events. I don’t know many people that would dispute the energy level of a regular season English Premiership match and anyone who has attended could vouch for it. At what point do we evolve from the chants of “DE-FENSE!” or “We Are…B C!” (or whatever your school initials are)? Many sporting events have become so routine that fans only chant when the Jumbotron tells them to do so. Let’s expands our horizons, get creative, and incorporate some songs into our sporting experience.
Are we above singing? Is it not manly enough? I think a lot of fans would simply be embarrassed to admit they sing. On first glance it does sound soft and American tough guys likely pride themselves on being differentiated from limey English bahstuds. I’m telling you, though, we are missing out. This is one bandwagon we need to jump on.
The best crowds in sports are at the collegiate level, most notably football and basketball. The passion of college football crowds is second to none because the game provides a sense of youthfulness. The players are kids, after all, and they play for the pride of the school or state. College basketball crowds are more entertaining because the indoor environment allows for more intrusive student sections. The environment is also more conducive to funny/insulting chants because of the proximity of the students to the court and the acoustics of indoor arenas.
If we look east across the Atlantic, we can get some pointers on how to create wildly entertaining songs. Quite a few are inappropriate—perhaps another reason we shy away—but you’d be hard-pressed to tell me you wouldn’t want to taunt your rival team and players like they do over in England. Wayne Rooney, arguably England’s most talented homegrown footballer, catches a lot of grief for being on the pudgy side and for being a scouser (someone from the Liverpool area—their ancestors were known for petty crime and violence). Examples of songs from Rooney’s rival fans:
He’s fat, he’s scouse, he’ll steal your f*cking house, Wayne Rooney!
He’s fat, he’s red, he’ll take your man to bed, Wayne Rooney!
All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
Things wise and wonderful
Wayne Rooney ate them all!
A chant from rival fans of Arsneal, a London-based football club:
Who put the ball in the Arsenal net?
Who put the ball in the Arsenal net?
Who put the ball in the Arsenal net?
Half of f*cking Europe!
Manchester United fans actually sing this to their own player, Park Ji-Sung:
Park, Park, wherever you may be
You eat dogs in your home country
Could be worse, could be scouse
Eating rats in council house!
To an Irish coach of an opposing team:
One Pat Dolan sitting on the wall
One Pat Dolan sitting on the wall
And if one Pat Dolan should accidentally fall
There’d be no more Dublin, Cork, or Donegal!
And my favorite, to any Manchester-based team (to the theme song of The Addams Family):
Your mother is your sister
Your father is your brother
You like to shag each other
The Scouser Family!
The chants from the student sections at college basketball games are the closest we get in America to chants like the ones listed above. Duke fans hardly leave a stone unturned when digging for dirt on opposing players, and very few topics are off-limits. Unfortunately, when fans start to get really creative and funny, it’s all over SportsCenter and nitwits like Skip Bayless and Michael Wilbon lecture us on the appropriateness of cheering for your team. I find it hard to believe the same country that is so over-sexed, foul-mouthed, and numb to violence is offended when a couple college kids try to get inside a player’s head by razzing him about his mother or girlfriend. But the songs we incorporate don’t have to be vile or foul-mouthed, they can be clean and still fun (to Liverpool’s Peter Crouch who stands 6’9”: He’s big, he’s red, his feet hang off the bed, Peter Crouch!) or even in admiration (to boxer Ricky Hatton, in the tune of “Winter Wonderland”: There’s only one Ricky Hatton, onnnnne Ricky Hatton, walkin along, singin his song, walkin in a Hatton wonderland).
How hard could it be to come up with some songs? Just think of a popular player, a well-known melody, and pick a side. Twenty-thousand people singing a song together brings great camaraderie to the fans and adds another level of team pride. I think the live experience at sports games today is lacking something, and the addition of songs is just what we need to bring the experience to the next level. Let’s put our thinking caps on and get some songs incorporated before I have to hear one more boring old “Let’s Go Eagles” chant.
Seeking Amy
Let’s be honest, pop music has become extremely over-sexed. It goes widely unnoticed and unpunished, as if we’re immune to it or even welcoming it. We all know that sex sells, but where do we draw the line?
As a fan of hip-hop, I am all too familiar with public figures lambasting some of my favorite artists for the usage of profanity and sexual exploitation of women. So I’m not surprised that the sexual overtones of this most explicit song on the radio today comes from a hip-hop artist. Flo Rida’s “Right Round” is a take on the 80’s song “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”. Unless I’m as much of the problem as anyone else that I interpret everything for it sex-value, the chorus seems to be pretty clear:
You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down
You can get away with saying that on the radio? I’m not a parent, a preacher, or a moral thermometer, but I feel slightly uncomfortable when this song comes on the radio. It is catchy, though...
Listening to a Top-40 station, the next song you might encounter is Britney Spears’ “If You Seek Amy,” which if pronounced phonetically implores the listener to forcefully have sex with her. First off, I would like to go on the record in stating that whoever wrote this is absolutely brilliant. The fact that the author could take a sexual phrase and disguise it as a meaningless one blows my uncreative mind. It took me about 2 weeks to get over this when I learned the true meaning of the song. Once you realize the meaning, you discover it’s actually quite raunchy. Check out the chorus, which is more cleverly stated than the Flo Rida song but bears similar intent:
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy
Oh yes, not just the boys—all of the boys and all of the girls. The radio folks have not been as clever, revising the name of the song and subsequently the chorus to “If You See Amy.” So now the song just makes no sense.
There’s a commonly-used phrase in sports that goes, “When you get to the end zone, act like you’ve been there before.” The way today’s pop artists sing or rap about it, you’d think sex was something only afforded to the wealthy or wildly popular. It’s just become overkill. You would also think that the people who innovate in music and creatively push the envelope would be the successful ones. Instead, we equate success with pushing the sexual envelope. Artists and radio stations are like teenagers trying to see how far they can go before their parents (the FCC) come down on them. It’s sad that the same sound and the same message have almost become an arbitrage situation for artists and radio execs alike. Another song about sex, huh? Shocker. Unfortunately, it will remain that way until we decide we’re tired of hearing it. And since sex appeals to one of our most basic needs, we’re unlikely to ever become tired of it. I'll admit, the beats are damn good, too, so it makes it even harder to keep these songs off the radio and out of the clubs. I can't even say I dislike the Britney song because it's so catchy, so I'm just feeding into the problem!
How far is too far? Girl-on-girl? Nope (see Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl”). Sexual degradation? Nope (see Soulja Boy’s “Crank Dat”). Rape? I think felonies are a good place to draw the line, but who even knows anymore. Until we find out, I’ll continue to be surprisingly unsurprised.
As a fan of hip-hop, I am all too familiar with public figures lambasting some of my favorite artists for the usage of profanity and sexual exploitation of women. So I’m not surprised that the sexual overtones of this most explicit song on the radio today comes from a hip-hop artist. Flo Rida’s “Right Round” is a take on the 80’s song “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”. Unless I’m as much of the problem as anyone else that I interpret everything for it sex-value, the chorus seems to be pretty clear:
You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down
You can get away with saying that on the radio? I’m not a parent, a preacher, or a moral thermometer, but I feel slightly uncomfortable when this song comes on the radio. It is catchy, though...
Listening to a Top-40 station, the next song you might encounter is Britney Spears’ “If You Seek Amy,” which if pronounced phonetically implores the listener to forcefully have sex with her. First off, I would like to go on the record in stating that whoever wrote this is absolutely brilliant. The fact that the author could take a sexual phrase and disguise it as a meaningless one blows my uncreative mind. It took me about 2 weeks to get over this when I learned the true meaning of the song. Once you realize the meaning, you discover it’s actually quite raunchy. Check out the chorus, which is more cleverly stated than the Flo Rida song but bears similar intent:
Love me, hate me, say what you want about me
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy
Oh yes, not just the boys—all of the boys and all of the girls. The radio folks have not been as clever, revising the name of the song and subsequently the chorus to “If You See Amy.” So now the song just makes no sense.
There’s a commonly-used phrase in sports that goes, “When you get to the end zone, act like you’ve been there before.” The way today’s pop artists sing or rap about it, you’d think sex was something only afforded to the wealthy or wildly popular. It’s just become overkill. You would also think that the people who innovate in music and creatively push the envelope would be the successful ones. Instead, we equate success with pushing the sexual envelope. Artists and radio stations are like teenagers trying to see how far they can go before their parents (the FCC) come down on them. It’s sad that the same sound and the same message have almost become an arbitrage situation for artists and radio execs alike. Another song about sex, huh? Shocker. Unfortunately, it will remain that way until we decide we’re tired of hearing it. And since sex appeals to one of our most basic needs, we’re unlikely to ever become tired of it. I'll admit, the beats are damn good, too, so it makes it even harder to keep these songs off the radio and out of the clubs. I can't even say I dislike the Britney song because it's so catchy, so I'm just feeding into the problem!
How far is too far? Girl-on-girl? Nope (see Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl”). Sexual degradation? Nope (see Soulja Boy’s “Crank Dat”). Rape? I think felonies are a good place to draw the line, but who even knows anymore. Until we find out, I’ll continue to be surprisingly unsurprised.
My St Patty's Day Limerick
Let’s be honest, St Patrick’s Day is the best day of the entire year. In commemoration of the big day, I’ve decided to try my hand at writing a limerick. I am by no means a poet so I can imagine that aesthetically it leaves a bit to be desired. And I’m a sucker for puns and bad wordplay, so you’ll have to deal with that. But what the hell, check it out.
St Patty’s Day’s upon us again
Sometimes I wonder how long it has been
Since amateurs lied
‘Bout being Irish and tried
To drink like the Irishmen can
They say that we’re in a recession
The news sure won’t let you forget it
But a glass with no beer
Deserves a few tears
For that is the Greatest Depression
The market’s been up in the last week
We all owe O'bama for this feat
But I need new doors
And new tile floors
Maybe he’ll earmark them for me
Slumdog cleaned up at the Oscars
Lil’ Wayne’s trying to be a rocker
And Idol’s new judge
Makes Paula so ug’
That even Ron Jeremy wouldn’t rock her
ARod admitted that he was on juice
A lot of fans considered it old news
But if New Yorkers thought he stayed clean
After two thousand and three
Then I have some Citi stock to sell you’s
We’re all trusting the big government brass
That success of the bailout will come to pass
But if Jamie Kennedy can do it
To pull Jennifer Love Hewitt
Then the sun even shines on a dog’s ass
Happy St Patty’s Day, lads!
St Patty’s Day’s upon us again
Sometimes I wonder how long it has been
Since amateurs lied
‘Bout being Irish and tried
To drink like the Irishmen can
They say that we’re in a recession
The news sure won’t let you forget it
But a glass with no beer
Deserves a few tears
For that is the Greatest Depression
The market’s been up in the last week
We all owe O'bama for this feat
But I need new doors
And new tile floors
Maybe he’ll earmark them for me
Slumdog cleaned up at the Oscars
Lil’ Wayne’s trying to be a rocker
And Idol’s new judge
Makes Paula so ug’
That even Ron Jeremy wouldn’t rock her
ARod admitted that he was on juice
A lot of fans considered it old news
But if New Yorkers thought he stayed clean
After two thousand and three
Then I have some Citi stock to sell you’s
We’re all trusting the big government brass
That success of the bailout will come to pass
But if Jamie Kennedy can do it
To pull Jennifer Love Hewitt
Then the sun even shines on a dog’s ass
Happy St Patty’s Day, lads!
Tuesdays with Simon
Let’s be honest, American Idol has been wrong more often than it’s been right. Yes, I watch Idol…I wish it was the softest thing I watched; unfortunately it’s not. If I’m keeping track correctly, there have been 3 hits and 4 misses. I guess it goes to show that it’s a television show first, singing competition second.
In my opinion, the Idol winners that can be considered the “hits” are Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Jordin Sparks. The misses—Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Taylor Hicks, and David Cook. The hits are hard to deny—Kelly Clarkson won a Grammy for Best New Artist, Carrie has won multiple Grammys and taken home Best Artist at the Country Music Awards, and Jordin Sparks…well, I think she won a Kids Choice award or something. But she makes hits, just look at the radio spins. It’s interesting to look at who each of those three beat out in the finals, too. Kelly defeated Sideshow Bob (Justin Guarini), Carrie bested Bo Bice and the Bice Squad, and Jordin took down Blake, the human beatbox. How in God’s name did Sideshow Bob, Bice Squad, and Beatbox make it to the finals? In what world could they have been successful? At least Bo Bice has made a career out of selling car insurance for GEICO.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved Rubes from Season 2. He has a great voice and would be a successful Gospel artist. Plus I would vote for Rosie O’Donnell in a swimsuit competition before I voted for Clay Aiken to win anything. Side note—was anyone else creeped out in the Season 2 finale when Clay stared at Rubes in the same way Rubes would stare at a Big Mac? Unfortunately, R&B singers today have to have a little more sex-appeal (think Ne-Yo, Usher, Chris Brown before he became Ike Turner). Tough break for Rubes.
Fantasia has been successful—about as successful as Ryan Leaf compared to Peyton Manning. Jennifer Hudson took home 6th place that season, and all she did was win a Grammy and an Oscar. No big deal. Fantasia’s biggest song is “B-A! B-Y! M-O! M-A! This one goes out to my baby mommas.” That wasn’t a joke by the way, that’s true. I’m sure that’s what Simon Cowell had in mind for his Idol-winning protégé. She’s been successful on Broadway. Yeah, so? Don’t they eliminate people because they sound like they should be on Broadway?
Taylor Hicks has been the greatest failure of them all, which wouldn’t be so apparent if Daughtry, Katharine McPhee, and Eliot Yamin weren’t all making hits. William Hung has sold more records than Taylor Hicks. Can someone make him an aluminum foil record to hang on his wall for that achievement? At least he has the Soul Patrol to console him. Another side note—did anyone hear when Simon compared a contestant this year to Taylor Hicks, and the crowd boo’d? Nice work, dude.
I almost feel bad for David Cook because he looks like he’s in excruciating pain when he sings. Is that intentional? Plus I still haven’t been able to differentiate his voice from the loser lead singer of Nickelback. Did I say loser? I meant, "extremely successful." I also fear the day David Cook is cornered by an angry mob of broken-hearted 12-year old girls who voted for David Archuleta. That’s not going to be pretty. And oh yeah, Archuleta’s “Crush” has sold roughly 1.5M records and become the most successful song from a Season 7 contestant. Scoreboard, baby.
It begs the question, how could we be so wrong, so often? I owe it to three factors:
1) We’re idiots. Look how many people audition for the show under the impression that they have a great voice. If all those people, as a nation, represent our collective opinion of singing talent, it’s no WONDER such horrible contestants make it so far.
2) The producers obviously keep contestants who are polarizing and draw ratings. Case in point, Season 8’s Tatiana. If any of you 5 people that read my blog actually like Tatiana, please let me know. I would like to find one person.
3) Those “Vote for the Worst” sites have to have some kind of impact. I think it’s funny that people go out of their way to taint the voting process out of spite for a show. They won’t cause anyone to win the show outright, but it makes the early round elimination process interesting.
We’re already off to a blazing start this season as the Top 13 contestants appear to be the show’s weakest to date. I know who I like and I clearly know who I dislike, but what do I know? I'm way too rational.
In my opinion, the Idol winners that can be considered the “hits” are Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Jordin Sparks. The misses—Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Taylor Hicks, and David Cook. The hits are hard to deny—Kelly Clarkson won a Grammy for Best New Artist, Carrie has won multiple Grammys and taken home Best Artist at the Country Music Awards, and Jordin Sparks…well, I think she won a Kids Choice award or something. But she makes hits, just look at the radio spins. It’s interesting to look at who each of those three beat out in the finals, too. Kelly defeated Sideshow Bob (Justin Guarini), Carrie bested Bo Bice and the Bice Squad, and Jordin took down Blake, the human beatbox. How in God’s name did Sideshow Bob, Bice Squad, and Beatbox make it to the finals? In what world could they have been successful? At least Bo Bice has made a career out of selling car insurance for GEICO.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved Rubes from Season 2. He has a great voice and would be a successful Gospel artist. Plus I would vote for Rosie O’Donnell in a swimsuit competition before I voted for Clay Aiken to win anything. Side note—was anyone else creeped out in the Season 2 finale when Clay stared at Rubes in the same way Rubes would stare at a Big Mac? Unfortunately, R&B singers today have to have a little more sex-appeal (think Ne-Yo, Usher, Chris Brown before he became Ike Turner). Tough break for Rubes.
Fantasia has been successful—about as successful as Ryan Leaf compared to Peyton Manning. Jennifer Hudson took home 6th place that season, and all she did was win a Grammy and an Oscar. No big deal. Fantasia’s biggest song is “B-A! B-Y! M-O! M-A! This one goes out to my baby mommas.” That wasn’t a joke by the way, that’s true. I’m sure that’s what Simon Cowell had in mind for his Idol-winning protégé. She’s been successful on Broadway. Yeah, so? Don’t they eliminate people because they sound like they should be on Broadway?
Taylor Hicks has been the greatest failure of them all, which wouldn’t be so apparent if Daughtry, Katharine McPhee, and Eliot Yamin weren’t all making hits. William Hung has sold more records than Taylor Hicks. Can someone make him an aluminum foil record to hang on his wall for that achievement? At least he has the Soul Patrol to console him. Another side note—did anyone hear when Simon compared a contestant this year to Taylor Hicks, and the crowd boo’d? Nice work, dude.
I almost feel bad for David Cook because he looks like he’s in excruciating pain when he sings. Is that intentional? Plus I still haven’t been able to differentiate his voice from the loser lead singer of Nickelback. Did I say loser? I meant, "extremely successful." I also fear the day David Cook is cornered by an angry mob of broken-hearted 12-year old girls who voted for David Archuleta. That’s not going to be pretty. And oh yeah, Archuleta’s “Crush” has sold roughly 1.5M records and become the most successful song from a Season 7 contestant. Scoreboard, baby.
It begs the question, how could we be so wrong, so often? I owe it to three factors:
1) We’re idiots. Look how many people audition for the show under the impression that they have a great voice. If all those people, as a nation, represent our collective opinion of singing talent, it’s no WONDER such horrible contestants make it so far.
2) The producers obviously keep contestants who are polarizing and draw ratings. Case in point, Season 8’s Tatiana. If any of you 5 people that read my blog actually like Tatiana, please let me know. I would like to find one person.
3) Those “Vote for the Worst” sites have to have some kind of impact. I think it’s funny that people go out of their way to taint the voting process out of spite for a show. They won’t cause anyone to win the show outright, but it makes the early round elimination process interesting.
We’re already off to a blazing start this season as the Top 13 contestants appear to be the show’s weakest to date. I know who I like and I clearly know who I dislike, but what do I know? I'm way too rational.
Fierce Against Cancer
Let’s be honest, a lot of you don’t agree with everything I say or write. But we can all agree on how much cancer absolutely sucks. I normally wouldn’t pimp my blog out and use it as a vehicle for promoting things, but this an issue I think we’re all affected by. For the second year, I will be participating in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life, and I’m trying to raise some money. I know money is tough for everyone right now, which is why I only ask for $5 per person (cheaper than eating out for lunch one day). My goal is to raise a paltry $100, so I figure if I get enough people to donate $5 it’s an easy way to get there. I know it’s not much, but every bit helps. Feel free to donate more than $5 because like I said, I think we all agree this is a worthy cause. But please do not feel obligated.
If you would like to help me out by donating, follow the instructions on this page:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09FL?px=4867883&pg=personal&fr_id=13410&fl=en_US&s_tafId=250601
If you’d like to read more about the American Cancer Society Relay For Life, you can go here:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09FL?sid=35436&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=13410
Thank you in advance if you choose to donate, and thank you for reading! I’ll be back next week with a new blog.
If you would like to help me out by donating, follow the instructions on this page:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09FL?px=4867883&pg=personal&fr_id=13410&fl=en_US&s_tafId=250601
If you’d like to read more about the American Cancer Society Relay For Life, you can go here:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09FL?sid=35436&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=13410
Thank you in advance if you choose to donate, and thank you for reading! I’ll be back next week with a new blog.
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